And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
