After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
