1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
