Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize