I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So many bounce houses so little time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
