i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
