I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
