Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
