puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize