I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
