come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
