I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
