I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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