i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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