Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
