How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
