I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
