She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
this hospital has no fireball
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
