Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're too hungover to prance.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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