Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize