I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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