i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
