It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
