is your mom at the bar?
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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