Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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