afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
