i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
