I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
