i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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