She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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