her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
