my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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