I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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