I cockslap morals
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize