Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
