So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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