he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
