I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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