Just fell off a train. Bad.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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