Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
