I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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