I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
