Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
