My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
