Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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