handjob tips. give me some.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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