So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
