I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize