In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
