I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
