You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
