Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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