I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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