who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
