Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize