Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i came on her dog
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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