what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
