i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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