im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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