Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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