Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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