tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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