Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
