also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
